We all suffer loss and grief in our lives. Often it seems that our pain will never end. This article looks at what you can do to help yourself and others.
The most obvious loss is the death of a loved one; however, there are many major losses that we experience, that might make us feel grief. Many of us have suffered a loss in their lives. Consider redundancy, miscarriage or friends or family emigrating, the death of a pet or the end of a long term relationship. Grief is a natural process, a healthy reaction to a major loss in your life.

What is Grief?

There is no such thing as 'normal' grief or grieving. Grieving is so much a part of the human condition that we can all recognize the signs of grief:
Sadness, perhaps crying or sobbing
Shock or denial that the loss is real
Anger, guilt and mood swings are all common
Changes in sleeping and eating habits
Depression and anxiety
We try to adapt to a new life that encompasses our loss. The change can sit heavily on our shoulders. We stand on the border of an undiscovered country, one we are unfamiliar with and one which has none of the familiarity that helps us cope and enjoy life to the full.

Coping with loss and bereavement

Avoiding dealing with your grief is not healthy, doing so is likely to lead to longer term problems both physically and emotionally. Yet, we all have our own individual process of grief. It is important to listen to yourself and understand your feelings about your loss. Give yourself the time you need. I work as a counselor in Glasgow and too often I hear client's upset because well-meaning families tell them they should be over their loss by now.

One of the most important aspects of coming to terms with grief is to be able to talk about the loss. Explaining how it makes you feel helps, especially if that is done in an environment where you feel held and supported. Often though, people want to get back to their lives, so after the funeral they don't talk about the person who has died. In part they don't want to upset the bereaved person, and in part it is because they are not sure what to do if the person bursts into tears.

This reluctance to talk about endings, grief and death in society, leads many people to their GP and to a counselor. It is a good route to take if you don't have people in your life to support you.

I have suffered a loss what can I do?
Talk about your feelings, talk about your loss.
If it is a death, try to remember some of the good times you had, as well as the loss.
Loss is an emotional experience so it is okay to have emotions like anger, upset, crying etc. and express them in an appropriate way.
If you have a faith, many offer support services for grief.
Holidays and anniversaries are going to be difficult so try to plan for them, perhaps take the day off.
Eat regularly and sensibly and try to maintain your regular sleep and rest patterns.
Speak to your GP, they will want to monitor your health especially if you are feeling down.
Consider seeing a counselor if you can't or find it difficult to get over the loss.
What can I do to help someone who suffers a loss?

Each person will need different types of support. You can make the biggest difference just by listening to the person's feelings. Some typical things that you can do are:
Be prepared to listen, accept that the person may get upset or burst into tears. You don't need to do anything or try to make it better, just let them guide you as to what extent they need to express their emotions.
Practical things, in loss we can become forgetful about day to day chores and tasks.
Help them to make sure that they do eat regularly, perhaps pop round to make a cup of tea.
Be sensitive to anniversaries, birthdays that come along, these might prove very difficult. So a sensitive word might make all the difference.
If it is a death, don't be afraid to talk to the bereaved person about the person who has died.
Encourage them to see their GP or a counselor if their mood seems to turn to despair.
In conclusion

Grief is a difficult time for anyone, nothing seems to take the pain away and it seems it will last forever. We have seen that there are things that can be done to cope and to support. While you will not forget, the pain will slowly recede. Wherever your support comes from do not grieve alone, connecting to others will help you through it.

I wish you well with your struggle.